SK Reviews - Tubelight

Many of my friends and colleagues were asking me why have I not written about TUBELIGHT, given that I am a die hard Sallu bhai fan...

The answer is.... IT PAINS!

As written in my Pre-Watch rant for Tubelight, Salman Khan fandom was a part of my upbringing. I am and will always be on of his biggest fans ever.

But apart from being a huge fan I unfortunately am a logical person as well. 

So here it is, my review of Tubelight:

I wont pre-empt you... Let the write up take its due course.

The first frame of the movie is exactly like Bajrangi Bhaijan.  A long shot and then zoom into "Ye Hasin Waadiyan"... That gives us hope... That history will be recreated!

But not all history is good! Ask Madhur Bhandarkar and he will let you know how much is history haunting him these days for INDU SARKAR (My Review for this will be out within a week of its release)

Coming back to Tubelight. It is a historical movie.

No it is not going to create any history at the box office or in our hearts. It is about the historical India-China War of 1962.

Set up in young independent India, which is still coming to terms with the new type of "BULB" from "LONDON", which takes time to come on and is called "TUBELIGHT"

The story is about two brothers, Laxman Singh Bisht (Salman Khan) and Bharat Singh Bisht (Sohail Khan... Why God Why??)

Laxman (Salman) is called and teased as a TUBELIGHT... Through his life! We still do not know what was the disease he was suffering from. His Young brother Bharat (Sohail) is always at his rescue. They are both living a happy life, with no money and lots of time to kill.

The Chinese start coming into India from the border, which is right next to the "Chhota sa Shehar"-Jagatpur, where Laxman and Bharat are located. 

And they not here to set up stalls and give away fried rice and dimsums... They are here for WAR!

Th Indian Army wants all youth of Jagatpur to get into the Army (Pfff... Whatever happened to all the other jawans of India)

Bharat gets selected in the Army! Laxman gets rejected (Guess... because he is a Tubelight). Bharat Goes off to the border.Does not Return! Laxman now has to get his brother back...

So Laxman now trains, gets into the army, goes to the border, destroys entire China, gets his brother back and they lived happily ever after...

I so wish it was like that! But it is not... and that is exactly where we are cheated!

Instead, Laxman clings on to "YAKEEN" (A word you will abhor by the time the movie ends).

Now the culprits behind his belief are 3... Here they are:

1. Bharat Singh Bisht (Sohail Khan): I am not putting his picture...He is throughout the movie asking Sallu bhai.. Kya Tumhe Yakeen Hai? Probably that's his only contribution to the Film... Oh no wait... He disappears... Another good thing for Humanity. 

2. Banne Chacha (Om Puri) - 

His last on screen performance. He was a splendid actor! No doubt. He excelled here as well. As the Gandhian trying to teach Salman the Gandhi way to get his brother back from China. All in vain of course.

I still don't see the reason why Banne Chacha from 1960's had to be a distant cousin of Colonel Sanders (If you know Kentucky Fried Chicken).

3. Gogo Pasha:

Yes... He is there! His share of the EID RELEASE... Shahrukh appears in a poorly placed cameo as a magician "Gogo Pasha"... Who leads Sallu into believing that "Yakeen can move mountains" by making him believe that he moved a bottle just by his YAKEEN!

Still don't know why he was made to look like the "Gareebo ka Captaan Jack Sparrow"

Our poor Tubelight Laxman (Sallu), takes this to heart and tries solving all issues with a combination of Gandhigiri (Imparted by Colonel Banne Chacha) and YAKEEN Pose, given by Gogo Pasha! A pretty stupid pose which will remind you of "Aankhon ki Gustakhiyan" from Sallu's hey days...

The plot crumbles to pieces with every passing minute!

To add to the confusion are other actors. 

The Chinese Actress ZhuZhu (Cloud Atlas  & The Man with Iron Fists fame)

 She and her family were in the movie just to give some work to Narayan (Zeeshan Ayyub)

He hell bent on just bullying Salman and hitting Chinese people. His is a case of "How to waste a splendid actor"...

A moment of respite to our eyes come in the form of the cute little Matin Rey... The little boy from Arunachal probably...

He is cute beyond boundaries and speaks like a charm!

Another case of wasted talent in the movie was Yashpal Sharma

Playing a senior Army Official in movie about the India China War, there could have been more meat to his role. But then again, as I said, wasted talent. He was better utilized at the Mayyat Singer in Anurag Kashyap's Gangs of Wasseypur.

I wish he would have broken into a jig of "Teri Meherbaniyan" or "Yaad Teri Ayegi"...

I haven's spoken about Salman Bhai yet! The reason remains the same. IT PAINS!

He has tried his best to do justice to the role given to him. But he should have known that it wont work (Remember... Kyoki... Its fate??)

Pritam disappoints when it comes to music... "Sajan Radio", "Alladin"... You wont even remember them once you walk out of the Auditorium. 

Wasted Atif Aslam & Rahat Fateh Ali Khan - Checked

Now for the Man of the hour Kabir Khan...

Don't worry Kabir, we still love you! one Tubelight cannot take away Kabul Express, New York, Ek Tha Tiger, Bajrangi Bhaijan and Phantom!

We know you have the caliber... You are one of the best directors we have now! we are sure You and Salman will make up big time for this.

Yes Salman... We love you too! We know you will come back better... We have forgiven you for a LOT MORE than this... This is just a failed effort...

SK Reviews